


Me, You, and Stevie

by flowerfan



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: All Kinds of Sex Acts, Communication, David is a sex god, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Humor, Love, M/M, Multi, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, negotiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:02:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27698030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerfan/pseuds/flowerfan
Summary: “Patrick, honey,” David says, his voice dropping low.  “I think I have an idea.”
Relationships: Patrick Brewer & Stevie Budd, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd & David Rose
Comments: 44
Kudos: 134
Collections: Schitt's Creek: Frozen Over (2020)





	Me, You, and Stevie

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SCFrozenOver2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCFrozenOver2020) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Christmas threesome porn. That’s it. That’s the prompt.
> 
> David decides to give Patrick “a whiskey” for Christmas. Could be Jake. Could be Stevie. Could be Rachel. Could be a random.
> 
> ******  
> Thanks so much to the mods and to the person who proposed this perfect prompt, as well as my wonderful beta, Perry_avenue.

Patrick hums with contentment as David comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist. He turns his head and kisses his husband firmly, loving the way David practically shimmies in his desire to get as close to him as possible.

“I think tonight was a success, don’t you?” Patrick asks. He and David had decided to hold a winter holiday dinner party for a group of their friends, and since it was the first formal event in their new house, David had insisted on going all out. 

“I don’t know, I still think we needed more of those bacon-fig things. And Alexis drank way more than her share of the good champagne.”

“Yeah, but everyone had fun, and that’s what counts, right? Providing holiday cheer?” Patrick grins as David makes a face.

“Okay, fine, if you say so. People did seem to have a good time.” David looks around the room and purses his lips. “Well, most people.”

Patrick follows David’s gaze and sees Stevie, sitting by herself in the corner of a couch, hunched over with her arms around her knees. “I don’t suppose it helps to say Stevie always looks like that?”

David sighs against Patrick’s neck, making him shiver. “She’s getting to that stage in a dry spell when you start to think you’ll never have sex again. Even her latest attempts at online dating have bombed.”

“We should do something to make her feel better,” Patrick says, struggling to keep a straight face as David’s hand wanders down from his back to his ass. “And I’m thinking that groping me ten feet away from her probably isn’t helping.”

Suddenly Stevie looks right at them, a challenge in her eyes.

“Patrick, honey,” David says, his voice dropping low. “I think I have an idea.”

*****  
Despite their eagerness, they don’t approach Stevie that night. There’s a little too much at stake, and they both recognize that talking this over while sober instead of while under the influence of Twyla’s special peppermint schnapps cocktails is probably a good idea.

“Are you really sure about this?” David asks a few days later as they’re getting ready for bed. “Because you haven’t had the best experiences having intimate relations with women. You don’t have to pretend it’s okay anymore.”

Patrick steps into David’s space and smiles as David strokes his shoulders. He’s actually thought this through, although it touches him to no end that David is so intent on protecting him. “I’m good with it, if you are. It won’t be the same, anyway – I won’t be constantly trying to figure out why it isn’t doing anything for me. It’s not a mystery, or a sign that I’m, um-” he just stops himself from saying defective. He doesn’t think that anymore, not since he met David and figured himself out. “That I’m not trying hard enough. Plus, you know, you’ll be there.”

“Mhm,” David says, looking around the room and then back at Patrick. “I will.” Patrick can hear the promise in his voice.

“Besides, there’s no way I can avoid being turned on with you naked in the bed,” Patrick whispers, and David preens.

“Okay,” he drawls out, “if you’re sure. But, you know, we could always just take her out for a really good meal.”

“You know as well as I do that even cheese and chocolate don’t solve every problem.”

“Don’t they?”

Patrick observes David for a minute, trying to figure out if he is hesitant on Patrick’s behalf, or his own. “David,” Patrick shifts and pulls David closer to him by his hips, making David smile out of the corner of his mouth, “you need to be okay with it too. You know that, right? I seem to remember you didn’t much like the thought of me going on a date with that guy Ken, even though it was your idea.”

David looks pensive for a moment. “It’s not the same, like you said. Because we’ll both be there.”

“Exactly.”

“And after all, it’s just Stevie. You’re not exactly going to run away with her.” His eyes widen. “And you know I won’t, either. You do know that, right? Even though she’s my ex, sort-of-”

Patrick tries to imagine it and fails. It’s not going to happen. David and Stevie weren’t right for each other before David met Patrick, and they’re not right for each other now. “No, babe, I’m not worried about that. Jake, maybe-”

David mock punches Patrick in the arm, then immediately rubs the spot and kisses Patrick on the cheek. “Never. It’s only you for me, always.”

“I know. It’s only you for me, too.”

*****

They have learned one or two things in the time they’ve been together, however, and one of them is to set some ground rules.

“It’s a one-time thing,” David says, opening up a roll of quarters and emptying them into the cash register. Hardly anyone uses cash but having actual quarters around is handy for when someone wants to buy gum from the ancient candy machine in Bob’s garage. “This is not a throuple situation.”

“Of course not,” Patrick says. “And even if she agrees, we can stop at any time.”

David looks away. “Of course, obviously, that goes without saying.” But something in his tone says it hasn’t always.

Occasionally Patrick wants to go back in time and beat the shit out of anyone who hurt David Rose. This is one of those times.

He clears his throat and goes on. “And we’ll discuss the ground rules with Stevie, too. Make sure we’re all on the same page, what we’re interested in, if there’s anything that’s off the table.”

David smirks, recovering. “That’s going to be a fun conversation.”

“Who do you think will be the first one to be reminded, ‘if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t do it?’”

“You,” David says. “Definitely you.”

*****  
They spend a whole afternoon arguing about how to broach the subject with Stevie. Their ideas range from silly (a “dick in a box” style presentation, with an original song sung by Patrick) to elegant if far-fetched (bringing Stevie in a horse drawn carriage to a ball featuring two Prince Charmings). 

“David, if we don’t do this soon, her winter vacation will be over, and she’ll be on the road again. We can’t let her leave without cheering her up.”

David slumps down on the floor. They’re in the back room at the store, procrastinating when they really should be stocking shelves. “Are we sure this is going to cheer her up? What if she just says ‘eeewww’ and calls Alexis to make fun of us?”

Patrick grins fondly at David. “Then we’ll go home and have fabulous sex by ourselves just like we always do.”

“We always do, don’t we?” David says, brightening up. “Okay, fine, let’s just go ask her if she wants to have a whiskey with us.”

Patrick laughs. “That’s perfect.”

*****  
Stevie’s immediate reaction is underwhelming, to say the least. “Sure. Sounds fun. I’m free Saturday.” But by Thursday afternoon she’s texting both of them constantly, and it’s clear she’s excited.

They decide to meet at the motel Saturday afternoon to go over their ground rules, and then if everyone is still on board, they’ll get together at Stevie’s place that night. Patrick suggested the location, figuring she’d be more comfortable on her home turf, and they all agreed, even though David protested that calling anything “turf” was decidedly unsexy.

Stevie blushes her way through the beginning of their conversation, but once they get down to specifics she starts to loosen up. 

“What do you mean, off the table? Like, when prostitutes won’t kiss people on the lips?”

“Um, sex workers can kiss whoever they want,” David says.

“But that is kind of what we were thinking,” Patrick explains. “Not the kissing part, I mean, for me, at least, that’s totally fine-”

“Yeah, kissing is good,” David says.

“But if there are any, um, _sex acts_ ” Patrick can feel his cheeks heating up – “that you would rather not do in this kind of situation, then that’s cool, just let us know.”

“And you can always add to the list later, or change your mind,” David says. “What we’re aiming for here is enthusiastic, continuous consent.”

Patrick thinks he’d like to embroider “enthusiastic, continuous consent” on a little pillow and give it to David sometime, but for now he files this away in his mind under “craft projects to consider after our successful threesome.” There’s no denying that his life has become much more interesting since meeting David.

Stevie considers the sex act issue, graciously not making fun of Patrick for stumbling over his words. They are about to see each other naked, so Patrick figures she doesn’t want to get off on the wrong foot right now (although – _get off_ – she probably does want that, right? It’s kind of the whole point). He locks down his inner twelve-year old and tries to concentrate on the very mature process of negotiating ground rules for a threesome. It’s serious business, and it deserves his full attention, especially when it gives him the chance to listen to his husband talk earnestly about positions and lube and preparation.

They agree that no anal will be had or attempted by anyone, that any vaginal penetration by a penis will include the use of a condom, and that sex toys are an unnecessary complication. Patrick thinks that if Stevie had a thought bubble over her head right now it would be noting that she already has two life size sex toys ready to do her bidding, and she can’t wait to try them out.

*****

They pull up in front of Stevie’s apartment that night, both of them showered and shaved and full of nervous energy. David stops Patrick with a hand on his arm as he starts to get out of the car. He looks concerned.

“David, we don’t have to do this,” Patrick says, and David snorts out a laugh. 

“That’s what I was about to say.”

“Then… do you want to call it off?” Patrick asks.

“No, I mean, not unless you do. I just want you to know that nothing,” David pauses, tilting his head up like he always does when he feels himself getting emotional, “nothing is worth more to me than you, than your… comfort… I just really need to hear you say that this is okay with you.”

Patrick leans over and pulls David close with a hand on the back of his neck, kissing him long and hard until David has to stop to catch his breath. “I love you more than anything, David, and I assure you, I am okay with this. More than okay, I’m excited to have some fun with you, and with Stevie, even if it is kind of crazy.”

“Yeah?” David runs his fingers across Patrick’s shoulders. “You really think we can pull it off?”

Patrick gets out of the car and comes around to open David’s door. “Let’s give it a try.”

*****  
Stevie takes one look at them when they come inside and hands them each a glass with a shot of whiskey.

“Really?” David asks. “I brought wine. We don’t need to feed the stereotype.”

But Patrick happily drinks down the whiskey. “Some of us appreciate the joke.”

David grumbles and opens the bottle of cabernet he nicked from the store, pouring a glass for each of them. It’s actually pretty good wine, way better than the fruit stuff David and Moira got drunk on last summer. They won’t have more than a glass or two, though – that was part of the ground rules. Warm and slightly tipsy is ok, but wasted is not.

Patrick would be lying if that part of the conversation didn’t make him a little bit sad, remembering all the times he had used alcohol to cover up his discomfort with having sex. Rachel had actually asked him once why he always had to drink when they were together like that, but he had brushed off the question, feigning offense when really she had been right on the mark.

Stevie puts on some music (it’s jazzy, Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong, not at all what Patrick would have guessed), and then the three of them are just standing there.

“So, what happens next?” she asks, setting her wine glass down on the counter and hooking her thumbs into the pockets of her jeans.

David glances at Patrick, and he gives David a little smile. He’s ready. David puts his glass down and then very deliberately holds out a hand to Stevie. She takes it, and David leans in and kisses her softly on the lips.

When he pulls back Stevie is blushing, and she shakes her head, her long hair swinging around her face. “Why is this more weird now than when we had sex before?”

“I think it might actually mean more,” David says, and Patrick feels his heart thump hard in his chest. 

“Do normal people have so many feelings when they’re having a threesome?” Stevie asks.

David and Patrick laugh, and suddenly everything is a little lighter. “I feel like there’s a Ted-worthy pun in there somewhere,” Patrick says.

Stevie grins. “We’ll have to text him later.”

“No, we really don’t have to,” David says. “But I promised you some excellent sex, and I’d really like to keep my promise. If you’re not too distracted thinking about men who aren’t even here.”

Stevie grins. “Come on, you know Ted isn’t my type.”

David gives her a coy look. “Prove it.”

Stevie wraps an arm around David and winds close to him, kissing him like she means it. Patrick just stares, feeling all the blood in his body go rushing downwards. She looks up after a minute, her lips red and swollen, and then pulls Patrick close and plants her mouth on his.

He thinks of Rachel, just for a minute, when Stevie’s slight body and firm breasts press up against him. But then David is there, his heavy arm around Patrick’s shoulders, murmuring praise as Stevie kisses Patrick and bites his lip, and all thoughts of his past sexual inadequacies disappear.

They make out there in the kitchen for what seems like forever, trading kisses and tentative touches. There are hands everywhere. David grabs Patrick’s ass and squeezes, pulling him closer and sandwiching Stevie between them as she licks into Patrick’s mouth. Then David is kissing Patrick over Stevie’s head, and Stevie is running her hands up under David’s sweater and making him moan deliciously.

“Bed?” Patrick finally asks, as Stevie grinds up against him and the tightness in his jeans threatens to become uncomfortable.

“Bed,” David and Stevie agree. It’s not far, which is a good thing, as they stumble all the way there, having apparently made a unanimous decision to strip off most their clothes on the way.

“So,” David says when he’s down to his black briefs, a little breathless but still wanting to run the show, “I have some ideas about what to do next, if you want to hear them.”

Patrick always wants to hear David’s ideas.

David arranges them with Patrick sitting up against the headboard and Stevie between Patrick’s legs, her back to his chest. David kisses Stevie, and then Patrick, back and forth for a minute or two, and then, checking in with Stevie as he goes, he pulls her thin t-shirt off over her head. 

Stevie’s breasts are lovely, and Patrick hooks his chin over Stevie’s shoulder to watch as David slowly begins kissing down her chest, reaching down with one hand to push her panties out of the way to give him space to rub her clit. Patrick uses both hands to stroke Stevie’s breasts as David kisses her neck and her collarbone. When David slips lower they take turns, David sucking on one nipple while Patrick works the other with his fingers, the two of them relentlessly winding her up until she’s squirming and panting.

By the time David finishes sucking Stevie’s nipples and begins to lick and nip down over her stomach, Stevie is writhing in Patrick’s lap, her soft ass cheeks pressing against Patrick’s aching cock, just the thin cotton of Patrick’s briefs in between them. They both seem to want more contact at the same time, and David slides Stevie’s panties all the way off, David and Patrick getting naked as well.

They settle back into position, Stevie’s soft skin flush against Patrick’s against his chest and his groin. He goes back to teasing Stevie’s breasts, letting himself push up against her when she presses back, his cock caught between them. Wanting more, he bends down and guides her face to his, kissing her deeply. Suddenly Stevie gasps into his mouth, and he knows that David is pushing inside her.

David rocks into Stevie slowly, checking in as he goes, and she stops kissing Patrick, instead leaning her head back on his shoulder and drawing in deep breaths. “Oh god, David, fuck, that’s good.”

Patrick thinks it should be stranger than it is, hearing someone praise his husband like that, but instead it’s just really, really hot. Each time David slides into Stevie he rocks her whole body up against Patrick, pushing her ass against his cock. It’s fantastic. 

David shifts position until he can lean down and kiss Stevie, even though she’s barely able to return the kiss given how hard she’s breathing. Then David stretches to capture Patrick’s mouth, his tongue darting in between Patrick’s lips. He’s taller than Stevie of course but she’s still almost crushed between them, but from the sounds she’s making she really doesn’t seem to mind. Still David doesn’t keep it up for long, sliding away from Patrick with one last nip at his bottom lip and then sitting back up on his heels, deliberately slowing his thrusts until he’s almost pulling out of Stevie each time, then sliding back in, controlled and steady.

Stevie has one arm thrown up over her head, grabbing at Patrick’s hair and his arm and the pillow, while her other hand clutches David’s thigh.

“What else do you want, Steve?” David asks, his voice low and sultry. “Talk to us. Where you do want Patrick’s fingers?”

Stevie can’t seem to bring herself to answer with words, but she takes one of Patrick’s hands and guides it down her body. Patrick circles her clit with his fingertip, and she gasps and whines. 

“Mmm, you like that,” David says. “I like it too. You’re so wet for me, Stevie. So wet for us.” David’s voice is almost mesmerizing, carrying them along as the pressure steadily rises. 

Patrick cranes his neck until he can see where David is pushing in and out of Stevie, and he moves his hand until he can feel it, too, letting David fuck his hand and Stevie at the same time. Then, biting his lip, he slides a finger into Stevie, next to David’s cock, and the groan from both of them sends a spike of arousal shuddering through his body. 

“Fuck, Patrick,” David hisses. “Oh fuck.”

“Don’t stop, please, ugh, keep going,” Stevie breathes out, and then her breath hitches as Patrick rubs her clit with his other hand, and slides another finger in with David’s cock. David is still thrusting steadily, slowly driving Stevie crazy.

“David, you’re fucking gorgeous,” Patrick says, watching David’s muscles flex, sweat running down his forehead. David looks up at him, pleased and almost embarrassed, as if he’s just realized that Patrick has been watching him the whole time.

Patrick reaches up and runs his fingernails down David’s chest, through the damp hair there. He just has to touch him. “You are, baby,” Patrick praises him. “You’re amazing.”

Stevie whines at the loss of Patrick’s fingers. “Noooo, don’t stop,” Stevie pleads, “please, keep going.” Her voice creeps higher with each desperate cry. “Don’t you dare stop, come on, please, I’m so close…”

Patrick goes back to rubbing Stevie’s clit but David wavers, as if he has more tricks up his sleeve that he wanted to run through before letting Stevie come. “Please, David,” Stevie begs again, and David seems to make up his mind. “Okay, I’ve got you, it’s okay,” David says, running his hands up and down Stevie’s sides in reassurance. Then David readjusts his position, leaning down a little more until he has the angle he’s searching for, and pounds into Stevie until she’s screaming out her release.

It’s a little rougher, a little harder than Patrick has ever fucked a woman, but Stevie clearly enjoys it; Patrick thinks for the millionth time that David is really, really good at sex. Patrick is a very lucky man.

Patrick strokes Stevie as she comes down, and she turns and cuddles into him. David hops off the bed to dispose of the condom, and then crawls back in, gathering Patrick to his chest. “You doing okay?” David asks, his voice amazingly tender for someone who just fucked their friend into next week.

“Yeah, I am. How are you?”

David presses closer to Patrick, sliding one of his arms under Patrick’s head and shifting him to his side. “Very okay,” he rumbles into Patrick’s ear.

David’s still hard, hot and insistent up against Patrick’s ass. He wonders briefly what David might have in mind for them next but is clued in when he feels a cool drip of lube between his ass cheeks. Then Stevie rouses herself, smiling, and lazily kissing Patrick’s face. 

“Hey,” she says, and nibbling at his jaw.

“Hey,” Patrick answers. Stevie gives him a mischievous look, and then starts to kiss her way down his chest.

Patrick’s nipples are sensitive, and Stevie discovers this with a happy grin as she bites gently at them, first one, then the other, pulling each one taut with her teeth and then soothing it with her tongue. At the same time, David coaxes Patrick’s legs into position so that he can slide his cock slowly between his thighs and up against his ass, teasing at his hole but not going in.

He’s still mostly on his side, leaning back against David. David strokes up and down his flank with his free hand, then grasps his hip, keeping Patrick just where he wants him.

It’s torturous bliss, being touched everywhere, and Patrick loves it. Then Stevie slides down further and before he can really process what’s happening, she gives his cock an exploratory lick.

“You – you don’t have to do that,” Patrick says, almost automatically. It was never something Rachel liked to do, and he always felt it was kind of rude to expect it from a girl. Plus with David lazily moving his own dick back and forth down there, it seems a little crowded.

Stevie is not deterred, however. She licks him again, root to tip, and then looks up, an absolutely filthy look on her face. “But I want to,” she says. “You taste good. Can I?”

“It’s okay, baby,” David murmurs in his ear, and Patrick feels his cock throb in response. “Let Stevie make you feel good. I’m right here.”

Patrick nods, and Stevie reaches up to kiss him, then sinks back down and takes him in her mouth.

Patrick can tell he’s not going to last long. David is holding him close and letting him know just how sexy he is, whispering hot into his ear, while at the same time Stevie is sucking him down, her hand around the base of his cock and her tongue swirling around the tip.

David is picking up the pace, too, and Patrick struggles to stay still as David fucks his cock between his thighs. He can’t move or he’ll choke Stevie, but David is starting to shake and tremble, and Stevie is reaching down to squeeze his balls, pressing David up against him.

As David gets close he starts to lose his filter. “Oh fuck, Patrick, look at you, look at Stevie taking you like that, oh holy fuck, Patrick…”. David is gasping, hands gripping Patrick’s hips hard enough to make marks. “You’re so beautiful, both of you, oh my god…” Patrick’s close to the edge too, pleasure mounting higher and higher as sensations surround and overwhelm him. 

Stevie keeps going, doing something different with her tongue that causes Patrick to gasp. He reaches down and brushes Stevie’s sweaty hair out of her eyes, wanting to see her face, and she looks up at him and bats her eyelashes, her lips still stretched around Patrick’s cock. 

David cries out and bites down hard on Patrick’s shoulder, and Patrick feels David start to come with a warm pulse between his thighs. Stevie sucks even harder as she gives Patrick’s balls a squeeze and then his own body explodes in a rush of light.

Patrick realizes later than he didn’t give Stevie any warning at all before he came, but she didn’t seem to mind, falling asleep in a sweaty mess on Patrick’s chest almost as soon as he finished. David is the first one to regain any willingness to move, and he unsticks himself from Patrick and gets out of bed, returning a few minutes later with a warm cloth. Patrick gives himself a few wipes and then pulls on his briefs, watching David do the same.

They hadn’t made a firm plan for whether David and Patrick would spend the night, figuring that they’d wait and see how everything went. Given how loudly Stevie is snoring, wrapped up in a sheet and lying diagonally across the bed, it’s clear that they aren’t going to be discussing it with her now. They’re obviously not going to sneak out on her while she’s asleep, so they gently straighten her out and slide her over to one side of the bed, then get under the covers themselves.

It’s less crowded then sleeping together in David’s old twin bed at the motel, and Patrick had enjoyed that more than anyone really should. Now, David pulls Patrick close, nuzzling at his ear and his cheek, and Patrick pulls the blankets up over all three of them. 

He hopes Stevie appreciates their gift to her. He can’t imagine any better gift than his husband’s love and affection, whether it’s expressed in bed or in the million other ways David shows Patrick how much he cares for him. It makes Patrick dizzy, how lucky he is.

“So, was that okay?” David asks, and the honest uncertainty in his voice is so at odds with the thoughts in Patrick’s head that he has to roll over and stare at him.

“Are you kidding?”

“Um, no?”

Patrick cups David’s face in his hand, and leans his forehead against David’s. “You are a freaking sex god and that was amazing.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” How does David not realize how good he is at this? His past sexual partners were really crap, he thinks yet again. “You are incredibly sexy, and thoughtful, and generous, and I’ve never felt safer and more turned on than when I’m with you.”

David blinks at him. “Wow, um, thank you.”

“And I love you like crazy.”

David takes it in for a moment, then deflects, apparently at his limit for the night where feelings are concerned. “Because we had a threesome?”

Patrick laughs softly against David’s neck, pulling him close. “Not because we had a threesome, babe. Because you’re you. You’re the best, in every way.”

“But, including sexually, right?” David is teasing now, relaxing into the banter.

“Including sexually, of course.”

“Mhm, good.” David snuggles closer, drifting towards sleep. “I love you too, you know.”

“I do.”

“It was really hot watching Stevie blow you.”

“That’s a very romantic sentiment.”

“But it was.” David shifts, finding Patrick’s hand and weaving their fingers together. “I don’t need her to ever do it again, though.”

“Jealous?”

“Maybe a little.”

“So – one and done, as far as the threesome thing?” It’s a little funny to be having this conversation while Stevie snores away next to them, naked under the blankets, but no stranger than the rest of the night.

“I think so, if that’s okay?” David asks.

“Of course it’s okay.”

“I mean, we can always change our minds, if we both want to-”

“David?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m good. I don’t need anyone else in our bed.”

David smiles and wiggles closer, nuzzling against Patrick’s cheek. “So all you want for Christmas is me?”

“Exactly.”

Patrick knows that he’s also getting a really nice leather jacket that David ordered from a boutique in New York, but that’s not the point. The point is that he loves David Rose with every bone in his body, and having David love him in return is the best gift Patrick could ever hope to receive.

**Author's Note:**

> Naming this fic was almost as much fun as writing it - it turned out that my first title for it was actually the same as the title of another prompt, so I went with my second, sillier choice, based on a song called "Me, You, and Steve" by Garfunkel and Oates. It's a hugely funny song that gets used to great humorous effect in fandoms where there's a person named Steve. This Hawaii Five-0 vid illustrates it awesomely: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmbPuzk6Fwk&list=PL730FEC7BF8EADE67&index=7&t=0s. Check it out if you haven't heard it!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this fic - all comments, of whatever length, are very much appreciated!


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